Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Vodka?
Forever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
