If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
