she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
