He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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