wanna go halves on a baby?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
