Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
