I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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