i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He shit in the fireplace
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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