a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
