this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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