I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
