So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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