True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
