hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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