I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
