Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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