craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
