my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
