You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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