I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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