whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
