At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
