Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
