Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
