my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
