Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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