My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
