Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do herpes really smell.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
