this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize