just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
