Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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