worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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