I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
