After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
