woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
