I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
