You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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