I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
