I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
