Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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