i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
