So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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