Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
