just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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