so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
