I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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