I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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