Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
