so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
