You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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