Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
