omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
