My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
