I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
