I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
