Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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