I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
