I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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