Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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