Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
