who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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