i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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