All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
