sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
