I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
