I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
