dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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